A punishment we impose on ourselves until we learn it can easily be diffused and we don’t need to count on others to diffuse it.
Anger stems from feeling that control has been lost, that things didn’t work out. Angry because you expected something to go as you saw it and then didn’t.
Your perception of the situation didn’t match the outcome you hoped for. Even worse, is the time and effort invested feels lost.
Think back on every time you were angry and see what it was you couldn’t get to have happen the way you wanted it to. That’s all it ever is – no matter what the situation is. Funny thing is, we control nothing in this world. It’s just the perception of control. We control only one thing. It’s our own behaviour and how we respond to every situation, big or small.
It is one of the most difficult skills to master to not allow external happenings to affect or alter your state of mind. One of the paths to such mastery is to never get stuck and dwell on the negative outcome but rather, instead, having the ability to instantly PIVOT. Further still, if you are predisposed to NOT being attached to the outcome, a pivot solution may already be in play in your mind. In other words, being prepared and thus, pre-emptive. The conversation in your mind would sound like, “If this goes as planned, great! If it doesn’t for any reason, I will do this alteration to guide it there”.
You can see how that differs from the conversation that sounds like, “I want this, and it didn’t go my way!”, and then proceeding to be angry at the person or situation that you perceived to be the reason. All the while you have the period spent dwelling on the negative and, as you can imagine, all that anger is a waste of your time. Not to mention the implications that the stress produced has on your body’s health. Excess cortisol production and the oxidative stress it puts on your nervous system, cells, and tissues.
Through mastering how we behave and react to situations as they arise shows you that control is not lost if you pivot. How that looks to the outside world is that, although you are fluid as water navigating through life’s challenges, you are as immovable as a mountain when it comes to your mindset and calm demeanour. That garners respect from everyone in your circles which then has them engaged in helping you to getting things to go your way. Thus, by controlling only YOURSELF, you thus have effect over all. Conversely, by exuding anger, you are declaring to all that you are unstable and cause your potential for success to shrink.
Therefore, your actions and behaviour either garner respect or they don’t. People respond to what you give them to work with. Until this is understood you cannot live as powerful a life as you were meant to. Invest the time in looking within and mastering yourself. The rest will unfold as it should.